Open Diary: I hate Mondays

I hate Mondays...

It is the beginning of the week... yadi yada yadi...  But it is so irritating when I have to wake up.

Every Monday morning I feel like just calling into work and saying 'I quit' just so I can have a lay-in.

Six o'clock, I get shoved out of my sleep, is like my body knows the alarm will go off in five minutes..

And I hold on to every ounce of sleep left in me and, I pray the alarm will not ring, that I will have at-least one more hour, Is like that five minutes extra sleep makes such a big difference.. even though I know it does not..

Enough of my complaining... 

Today. some crazy man wanted to run me over with his Jeep. 
So I am on the motorway/highway/freeway, playing my music and singing along. 

All of sudden I realise my exist is half a mile ahead so I indicate from the fast lane onto the second fast lane then the third and its quarter of a mile before my exit.. I need to go onto the fourth lane to exit. 

There is a big gap between these two cars, as soon as I indicated to get in, the man behind me sped up, so I thought no way or else I'll miss my exit, I forced my way through...(why he sped up, I do not understand)

We both existed the motorway/highway/freeway and he pulled up along side me and started swearing at me... Now usually I have a bad case of road rage but I was so in the spirit because I was listening to Gospel that I just smiled.. well more of a grimace than smile, but I showed him my teeth, all 32 of them witch a cheeky pop in my eye...  That send him over the tip... hahahah... he suddenly made a swift turn, as if he was going run into my car.... I just smiled at him again and with his stupidity and shame he drove off...

I cannot understand some people, just let me pass, why are you going to speed up so I cannot go.??? Make no sense.. Thank God for my life.

On a brighter note... I love what I wore.. :D :D and you get to see a sneak peak of my braids :D

http://SimplyMsNana.blogspot.com/

Diary Of A Shallow Black Girl

Open Diary: From my 'Blank Notes' : Its An Illusion

I write a lot of my experience, my emotions and my thoughts down. Usually they are inspired by the present but there are times where its in retrospect. I mentioned in an earlier post that, one day, if I feel brave enough, I will publish one of these... guess that's today, I am sure Toinlicious and DiDI will love this.

I do not remember what made me write this, I wrote it I think three years ago. But I recently read something on Rhapsody's blog which inspired  me to post it, It took me some weeks but,

ohw well, ignore the typo's I do not clean it up, My notebook is called 'naked emotion' and I think I should leave everything as it is.

"How can somebody devalue their own life to extend where they wish death upon themselves because of LOVE.

The word makes me sick to the core of my stomach

Fills me with rage...I am about to explode, with Anger...

Loathe towards the person who wants to die,

Hatred for the one who drove her to it

Suicide, is common in the world, but we seem to see it as a distant, illusion,

Thinking it will never happen to us, no-one near us.

I am so angry I might even offer to help her eliminate herself

From the so called unbearable pain, of loving someone who does not love you back.

I would not know how it feel, but I can tell you I have had some personal experience.

Mine was not love, but an unbearable infatuation. Against a person who with all my life I can vouch had the same emotion, towards me.

Passion filled with anger, Jealousy not on my part. Delusional enough to think it was something which I knew it was not but choose to believe otherwise.

We drove each other to the brim of sanity, all in the name of what we didn’t realize was infatuation but we knew was not love.

We cared not to think about what it was but instead...

Left it to the imagination. My mind dared not to imagine, I would not allow it, instead...

You and I lived in a world of our own, where I was scared to tell friends of your visits, in my mind.... knowing they won’t approve, instead...

I made him an enemy a nemesis, my friends abhorred....

I too hated him, for who he was, what he possessed over me, I hated me, for what I allow him to hold over me.

I tried to rationalized... why I allowed him...to take precedence over my mind, though I put on a front, I was trapped and captured.

When I was bold enough to cut him loose, he came back.

He said sorry. SORRY ... like the word SORRY held some kind of magic that erased any past event. Any pain and hurt, damaged and anger, any emotion that he stirred up, he said SORRY like it cleansed the slate and made all thing pure again.

I hated him, But I was so deep, I though I couldn’t come up...I thought I shouldn’t come up.

But of course ‘My is different’ says she... I love him, and he loves me. Well he says it.

Instead of understanding that ‘I love you’ is not sufficient, he got to prove it.

Like me she makes excuses for why he act how he does. For why with no reason he calls her and breaks up with her. Ignoring all her please for a reason, an explanation, even if that reason is I don’t love you... she wants a closure but he denies her that. Instead...

He insults her... bring up all the negative portrayal of herself...he push down her self esteem, her confidence.

He migrates her and makes her feel inadequate...he makes her cry and then without a reason exits her life. Just to come back the following week, two weeks, month... after he  is satisfied with what he wanted to do... he will come back and claim he loves her. Her young foolish heart believes him, she submits. And he got her back, just like that...with no effort, with no hard work...with no promise for a better future he traps her again and again and it repeats over and over again. I HATE HIM

She lies in her bed and cry I sit on the edge angry... I do not want to console her... I want to slap her...I want to put some sense back into her...The girl is foolish.

But I know. She is in an illusion, she thinks she loves him. And delusional enough she believes he loves her after all....

I know first hand... until she accepts it’s a fantasy, its not love. Until she knows that love is not pain. That love cares, that love will not let you cry and if you do, it will try the hardest to erase that. The loves will care of you, that love will want you near. That love will always want to be there for you. That love will love you back, she will not escape this hell hole, she has put herself in, because that isn’t love, its an illusion. "

xx

http://SimplyMsNana.blogspot.com/

Diary Of A Shallow Black Girl

Open Diary: I'm in-love with 'Love Jones'

I wanna apologies to all my readers, for abandoning 'Diary Of A Shallow Black Girl'.
I had prioritise my education, but I am done now, and its just me and you lot, I hope you don't get sick of me. 
x0x

For the past I do not know how long, I have been listening to this poem, over and over and over again.

Its like this, I watch it in the morning, afternoon and evening, I keep listening to it and I love it.

I think its more than just a poem, its a sincere narrative, spoken rhythmically.

On the surface, this piece is very shallow, it just illustrate the speakers interest in the physical, though its all that it does, If you were to watch the entire film, you would understand that this poem was the structure of the entire romance. 

It gets me thinking if there is more than physical, and of course there is. But in all honesty and truthfully speaking, physical is mostly the fundamental starting point in a romantic relationship.

The extend of what acts you include in the physical is up to each individual, but realistically it is a (the) starting point.

Listen to the poem

"Say baby, can I be your slave?


I’ve got to admit girl, you’re the shit girl, 


And I am digging you like a grave. 



Now do they call you daughter to the Spinning Pulsar

or maybe Queen of 10,000 Moons,

sister to the distant yet
rising star 



Is your Yemaya? Oh hell nah, it’s got to be Oshun



Ooh is that a smile me put on your face child? 


Wide as a field of jasmine and clover



Talk that talk honey, walk that walk money


High on legs that’ll spite Jehovah


Shit, who am I, 


It’s not important


But they call me brother to the night


And right now I am the blues in your left thigh


Trying to become the funk in your right



Who am I? ‘ll be whoever you say


But right now I’m the sight-raped hunter


Blindly pursuing you as my prey



And I just want to give you injections of


Sublime erections and get you to dance to my rhythm


Make you dream archetypes


Of black angels in flight


Upon wings of distorted, contorted metaphoric jizm



Come on slim, fuck your man, I ain’t worried about him



It’s you who I want to step to my scene


Cause rather than deal with the fallacy


Of this dry ass reality


I’d rather dance and romance your sweet ass in a wet dream



Who am I, well they all call me


Brother to the night and right now I am


The blues in your left thigh, trying to be the funk in your right


Is that alright?"

And here is the full film if you have not seen it. This is a classic you will love it. The typical boy meets girl, but to me it is real, My friend and I were discussing the relationship between Nia Long and Larenz Tate, when there is actual confusion and when you just string the other person along. This line is very thin, because most of the time the person in question do not even know what they want. And that is real, it happens all the time, anyway I will stop typing.

lemme know what you think.

Open Diary: I want to...

photograph by Jeffrey Opoku

I want to.... 

fall in love, just once in my life...

fall in love on a special warm day in a beautiful country,

fall hopelessly in love with someone that loves me

have ice cream and roller-skate in the park

fly a kite the same day, I wanna have a picnic

lay in the grass and listen to an awesome band play

have a hotdog, with ketchup dripping to floor

try a corn dog, never had one

bungee jump (don't tell my mother - but that is what i wanna do)

Maybe go sky diving, I'll be in love maybe then I can take on life fully.

I want to write a song that will reach number one on the bill board

I wanna be the best solicitor advocate, 

I wanna be a partner at a top law firm 

I wanna wear Christian Louboutin £500 shoes,  Stella McCartney and Alexander McQueen suits.

I wanna exchange between a Mulberry purses and bags, Bvlgari sunglasses, in the summer

I wanna drive a porsche

Actually I want a Range..

in White sport, or maybe Evoque... I don't mind, 22' Revere WC1 Alloy wheels...

I am getting caught in a day dream....

I want kids, two maybe more...

travel the world, see exciting new things..

I wanna talk all fancy, sipping on a pinot...and have meaningless conversation with strangers I will never see again

I want to go on a cruise ship, so where.. I don't know yet.

Most of all I want to still know God!

I wanna be happy.

_____________________

What do you want?

http://SimplyMsNana.blogspot.com/

Diary Of A Shallow Black Girl

Open Diary: Without Music....

All my friends don't understand why I listen to "heartbreak songs", "depressing music" "sad songs" *they call it*. But I think those are the best kind of music...

I try listen to as much Gospel as I can. 

But I also love slow jam, I have always loved them, and for some reason, most of them are about broken hearts. There is something amazing about the way peoples, creativity flow, during periods whereby they are hurt. And Its very inspirational.  The way a writer is able to convey the deepest emotions is words. The way a singer can express pain and heartbreak through their vocals or a musician can  capture your mind with an instrument. An artist can illustrate things you would never imagine and make you fall in love with them. An Actor will play a role, that seems so real, you forget it was written...

I just love it when people express pain, it sounds crazy but.. I enjoy it, not their pain lol, but the way the express so beautifully. That is why I love Adele, all her song like most of them are about heartbreak, failed relationship, and that is not positive. But to me, her songs shows she determination to not be held back. I love her Albums, have always been in love with them. But not I am absolutely adoring 'turning labels', I just went back to that particular song recently, it came on, on one of my playlist and I had to put it on repeat.

These are some of the artists I have been loving. One of my very good friend Randolph, he has such a great taste music, and I always steal his discoveries. If you love soothing sounds, these are the people you need to be listening to. I love them, but if you are quite an emotional person, you may cry, but just try them.

______________________________
Albums

Justin Nozuka - Holly ('Therapy man', 'Golden train', is like the best song)

Justin Nozuka - You I Wind Land And Sea ('soulless man', 'Heartless', 'Love', 'My heart is yours', i totally loved them)

James Morrison - Songs For You, Truths For Me

Adele - 19

Adele - 21

Chrisette Michele - Epiphany

Jamie Woon - Mirror-writing 

Maxwell - Blacksummers Night (that just does not get old)

J-Cole - Cole World The Sideline Story (this is an alien within this list... but I have the hugest crush on him lol)

______________________________

Singles

Wale ft. Miguel - Lotus Flower Bomb (Miguels vocals in this tune... awesome!!!!)

Beyonce - Countdown

Tank - I can't make you love me

Bluey Robinson - Coming Back (he is so totally cute and he can sing!!!, saw him perform twice live, and he was awesome)

Frank Ocean - Thinking About you

Bruno Mars - It Will Rain (I have been in love with this song since i heard it, and I love the video)

______________________________

The List goes on and on and on.. But I think I will just stop here, just go on youtube and listen to them, I promise you will love them, if you don't then.. *sad face*

But guys let me know, who you are listening to at the moment.

What songs you love, and what artists are awesome.... :)

xx

Diary Of A Shallow Black Girl 

http://SimplyMsNana.blogspot.com/

Open Diary: True Love Never Dies

I saw this on my friends face book page.. Totally had to share it..

Please read

From the very beginning, the girl's family strongly objected on her dating him. They objected because of his family background and felt that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to her family pressure, they quarreled very often. Although the girllove the guy deeply, she would always seek confirmation of his love by asking him,"How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often result in the girl to be very upset.These various reasons causes the girl to vent her anger on him often. The guy endured the suffering in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated and decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl, "I'm not very good with words, but I simply know I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will youmarry me?"

The girl agreed and touched by the guy's determination, the family finally gave in and agreed to let them get married. So before he left the country, they got engaged. The girl entered the working society, whereas the guy continued hisstudies overseas. They kept their love strong through emails and phone calls.Even though it's hard, neither of them never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. Sherealized that she was badly injured. She saw her mum crying and wanted tocomfort her. But she realized that she could only muster a sigh. She has losther voice.

The doctors explanation was that the impact of the accident on her brain caused her to lose her voice. When she heard her parents comforting her but she was unable to reply them at all, she broke down.

During the stay in the hospital, other than crying silently there was nothing else she could do. Upon reaching home, life seemed to go on normally. However, whenever the phone rang, the ringtone seemed to pierce through her heart. She had no wishof letting the guy know about her condition. She did not want to be a burden to him. Hence, she wrote a letter to him informing him that she does not wish to wait for him to come back any longer. Following that, she sent the engagement ring backto him. In return, the guy sent millions of reply and countless phonecalls... The girl could only drown her sorrows in tears as she ignored them all.

The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forgeteverything and be happy. With a new environment, the girl picked up signlanguage and started a new life. She told herself everyday that she must forget about the guy.

One day, her friend informed her that he's back from abroad. She requested her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him. A year later, her friend came back with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. 

When she opened the letter, she saw shocked to see her name as the bride. Just when she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language to tell her this, "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You.With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

From Bill Brown... 

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?????

_______________________________________

http://SimplyMsNana.blogspot.com/

Diary Of A Shallow Black Girl 

Open Diary: 2012 Beauty Wish list

A month into the new year, I made some resolutions, but its the same ME! just a few adjustments...maybe?? *wink* lol

Since its a new year, I am gonna need new things, *right?* Yes so this is my wish list, beauty wise.

I love perfumes and I absolutely adore ones that have a very musky, strong and powerful scents. I love perfumes with velvet undertones because it sits well on my skin. It mixes with my personal scent and his heavenly.

When I tried the sample out, I was sold. Is very sensual and voluptuous.  Its highly concentrated in  oils this allows it to last long on both clothing and the skin. I usually I'm not a floral scent person, I'm more fruity or musky. But this has rich "woody" notes, and a hint of almond. The scent is very captivating, and its essence is grows stronger and more enchanting by the time. I have totally fallen in love with this perfume and I have to have it.

I sampled this in one of my glamour magazine issues. I love it I love it I love it. I will only wear it in summer or spring though. That is the thing with fruity perfumes. I can only wear it when the sun is out. It makes me more bubbly and ready to have fun. 

 The perfume is very feminine, from the way it looks, wrapped in a sleek and gorgeous apple like shaped bottle with a silver lid, to the notes in the perfume, a combination of  "the scent of apple with a sophisticated blend of exotic flowers and sensual woods."

This scent is very weightless and extremely refreshing. Its perfect for daytime but i will probably wear it during the night aswell.

I think I am addicted to fragrance with woody notes, because it divulges of musky undertones, which combine with the natural oils in my skin, is amazing. My mum absolutely fell in love when she smelled it.  There is a story behind this perfume, *read here*

Narciso Rodriquez; her eau de parfum is a combination of pink floral, soft amber and voluptuous woods. Realeasing a sensual musky scents which lingers through our the whole day and longer. The perfume is very enchanting and mysterious, however it is still very soft and has convey pastel and silky notes. The sensuality from the notes illustrate  glamor and elegance. 

Its very unique scents which will linger until very long. 

A REVIEW ON THE PERFUMES I LOVE    

For now, I do not own anything from Illamasqua, but that is about to change. Browsing through their site, I have been inspired, so this year, I'm going to add a few items from their collections to my makeup bag. My favourite is this , bronzing duo, and this burgundy colour nail vanish.

One of my resolution, is to stock up on Make Up Make Up Make Up. 

But the thing is that, though I love Make Up, and I wear it a lot, its not excessive. People can go through 3 tubes of the same lipstick in a year, but I cannot even finish one. And Cosmetics DO EXPIRE, so its like I don't want it to be a waste. But I am gonna.

Well then this is my wish list, beauty wise, let me know yours.

Thanks for Reading 

xx

http://SimplyMsNana.blogspot.com/

Diary Of A Shallow Black Girl